Sunday, January 23, 2005

i want to be deep. and i want to be eloquent. and i want to be happy. but i can't force my mind to produce the words i need for that to happen. see, i saw the love of God displayed in my very own apartment this week, but i can't seem to find the right words for it. so i guess i'll just tell it how it is and hope it comes out alright.


my apartment was the BIGGEST MESS E.V.E.R. last week. and it was depressing me because it seemed like an insurmountable evil and a perfect metaphor for my life. it seemed like i could NOT get all the work done to make it clean and pretty. and so all i did was cry for most of the weekend. i went to work on monday morning in my usual depressed funk and had a horrible day full of fixing messes and answering calls for work I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO.

and then i came home.

and my apartment was certifiably clean. like, "hey you just won the lottery and the cleaning gnomes came and made it perfect." and i was pretty sure i hadn't been selected for the latest edition of "how clean is your house," so my first thought was, "I AM GOING TO KILL ROBIN." because really, who else would take the time to enter the hell and survive?

well, turns out it wasn't just robin. it was celeste, savannah, miranda, monica, AND robin. yes, it took a team of five girls to make my apartment beautiful. and i am SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY that they did. i was, of course, slightly embarassed because they saw all the horror uncensored. but then again, i was WAY MORE HAPPY that the mess was G.O.N.E.

so thank you ladies. words cannot express to you how much your actions meant to me. it was quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. what a wonderful surprise to come home to and for the first time in months, i've had Christians actually be nice to me. with no judgy-ness or hatefullness or long speeches on how i'm living in sin. it was just, "i love you. let me do something for you." i'm so glad you showed me the best picture of Christ's love i've seen in years.

i think i'm starting to feel hope.