Thursday, November 18, 2004

a few blogging notes before we begin.
there are three excellent new entries in blogland you should go check out:
celeste "supa sexy" trejo
robin "i'm being so honest i think i may puke" scott
leah "that's not my real name and so there's no way i'd have a last name".
i think you'll enjoy all three.

also, you should check out this girl. she's angry about the pansy Christianity she was taught at her Christian college AND she likes buffy the vampire slayer. i think we may have been separated at birth.


ok, onto the "real" post.

so let's say you're a fireman. you're a fireman with the last name of "timan." so you, fireman timan, get the joy of receiving a new uniform in which you will fight fires and save lives and rescue kittens. and since you work for a super cool department, you get your last name on your brand new, hella snazzy, "i save people with this on" fireman's coat. so you proudly write your last name down and anxiously await the arrival of your coat.

now let's say you're a lettering person at a firemans' coat factory. it's your job to place letters in an order that forms coherent words, words such as a fireman's last name. and let's say you're having a bad day. it has been busy, full of redo's and returns and drama, drama, drama. so it stands to reason that you might mispell a fireman's name while working on the bazillionth coat of the day. after all, it's been a long and tedious day.

so let's say that you accidentally insert a "t" into a fireman's name. and let's say you insert that "t" into the aforementioned fireman timan's name. and let's say that you place that "t" after the "i" and before the "m." this means that you have effectively spelled "titman." but it's been a long and difficult day and you're not thinking right or seeing straight and that word LOOKS CORRECT. so you, satisfied with your work, send the coat to fireman timan, thinking that you've completed another successful lettering job.

so we're back to fireman timan. it's like christmas because your brand new shiny coat has come in. and you happily open it and try it on and think about all of the puppies and kittens and children you'll save while wearing this coat. and you're thinking you're SO heroic when your fellow firemen start laughing. hysterically. and you wonder why they're laughing when there are puppies and kittens to be saved, so you decide to see why they're pointing at your back before doubling over with laughter. so you remove your brand spanking new coat and look at the back, where your name is proudly displayed. and you see "TITMAN" on the back of your coat. not timan, which is your name. no. you see something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

and even though you're a normal heterosexual male and the new nickname probably would aptly describe you, you realize that you cannot save people with the word "titman" on your back. old ladies will be offended and little boys will laugh. and what about those puppies and kittens? they'd be corrupted! and as for your fellow fireman buddies, you can just hear it now. "I AM TITMAN, HERE TO SAVE YOU!"

that would just suck.