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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

so as you may have noticed, my job doesn't challenge me intellectually. i use it as a means to make money and THAT'S IT. it pretty much NEVER stimulates. NEVER. so, in order to keep me coming back day after day after day, i have to try and make things slightly more entertaining. and today, i discovered a way to keep me going FOR HOURS. i call it "the tag gun toss." allow me to demonstrate.

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iceegirl productions is PROUD to present the multimedia presentation "TAG GUN TOSS." (and by multimedia, we mean there are pretty pictures IN COLOR and we hummed "eye of the tiger" while making it. please join with us and hum along as you read.)

first, you need to understand that before an inspector can send a garment, she must attach a guidebook and two postcard advertisements. she does this attaching with a tag gun, shown below.


we are now ready to begin the process of the toss. the inspector first places her right hand firmly on the spool, like so. remember, the proper grip is essential to a successful toss.


at this point, balance is key. the inspector must now release the tag gun in an upward motion with a gentle flick of the wrist. the energy required must be enough to cause the gun to rotate 360 degrees, but not so much that the gun goes all willy nilly. you can get an idea of this brilliant act of artistic grace from the following picture. but remember, the picture can never do justice to this beautiful moment.


in order to complete the tag gun toss, the inspector must now CATCH the gun. the only way a toss is considered legal is if she catches the gun at the handle, as shown below.


the toss is nearly complete, but there is one last crucial point. the inspector must now grasp the gun firmly by the handle in the "ready" position. (this means she is now able to fire the plastic t tag into the garment.) this switch from catch to "ready" must be done in one swift motion; she cannot pause or put the gun down, or the toss is considered invalid.


here, we can see what happens when a toss goes awry. the gun lands upside down, causing a loud noise at the inspector's work station. she must then be careful to cover her tracks, or else her co-workers will think she is clumsy and stupid. and we must sadly report that is often how a tag gun toss ends. the .5 seconds that it takes to toss the gun and position the hand to catch said gun by the handle are all too short for the inspector. she must pick up the pieces (sometimes, this must be done literally when the spool comes undone and a long row of t tags goes sprawling across her work station) and try again.


here, we see the best possible scenario. a happy tag gun. this is how both the inspector and gun feel after a successful toss. happy smiley faces for all!


THE END

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