Monday, April 05, 2004

hello. my name is lillian. and i'm addicted. i thought i had kicked the habit. i've been clean for 3 months. but today, i fell off the wagon. and i'm ashamed to admit it, but i know i need to. i have to get this out in the open. so here it is, i'm laying all my cards on the table.

i'm addicted to freecell.

i don't know what it is about it. there's just something about placing those cards in order from ace to king. and the movement of the cards depending on which ones are up top...sigh. and then putting them in order in opposite colors on the bottom. wow. it just moves me. and i must play...again and again and again and again. i can't stop. and really, i DON'T WANT to stop. i could play this game for hours. i do play this game for hours. it doesn't get old. it never tires me. even when i lose 5 games in a row and my percentage of wins is in the pits, i keep going on. i must play. i have to play. i need to play. i'll even reset my statistics so i can see how long i can go with a win. but the truth is, it's not about how often i win or lose. it's how well i play the game. i'll play the same layout of cards over and over again until i can beat it. and once i do, i automatically click "yes," even though there are many, many, many things i need to be doing instead. but i just can't stop. and now i've typed about it for too long. i have to go play RIGHT NOW.

here's a picture of the thing that now commands all my attention (again). i hope it will tide you over until i can come back.