Sunday, April 04, 2004

don't you just hate it when God lays the smackdown on you at church? like you're all cool and fine and happy and then BAM! welcome conviction from the Holy Spirit. and the pastor reads the bible and you're just like, 'hmmmmmmm....my life shouldn't look like this passage. paul is telling them to NOT act this way. dangit!' when will i realize that you can run, but you can't hide. God is gonna get ya every single stinking time. :sigh: when will i ever learn to do the rite thing, instead of trying to hide from God and pretend that my life is AOK? i know He knows, but i still avoid Him. maybe because i feel guilty. or ashamed. or frustrated. or confused. or maybe i just don't understand the wonderful love of my savior AT ALL. i have a funny feeling it's the latter. God is sooooo good to me and i still fear that He's going to smash me with a lighnting bolt if i'm honest with Him. how stupid is that?? i have got a LOOOONG way to go before i even begin to see how deep is the love that the Father has lavished on me. i think i need to join paul and pray this not only for my fellow Christians, but also for myself:

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:14-19
yeah, i have NO idea who much God loves. none.

on a completely unrelated and extremely shallow note, on the way home from church today, i heard "come out and play" by the offspring and "no rain" by blind melon on the radio. gotta love the old school. it made me feel like i was in junior high again. normally that's a bad thing, but in this case, that music brought back that nice, nostalgic feeling. :warm fuzzies: